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Dans Macabre

October 23, 2012

I have a tendency to check my perimeters, keep an eye on things.  My third world wife who was a government worker in country, kids me that I look, with my usual dour and stiff stance, like her old boss’s bodyguards.  I stand at the edge of a dinner party or whatever all serious and watchful and she tells me to get ‘off duty.’

At the same time she considers me something of a fool as I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt and believe them until this becomes silly.  I’m easy and, when I find I’ve been worked, forgiving.  Life’s difficult and people deserve slack.  In my own life I have had plenty of experience in how things you start with only good in mind can all go to shit and you end up being bad unintentionally.

If you look a little rough and are headed toward spouse or daughter you can expect to find a rather little old man slipping between you and them.  On the other hand I do this gently with a smile and, after a hello and a handshake, I’ll probably swallow about whatever line you give me.

I dance in this flux between suspicion and trusting every hour of every day and think this the normal situation of men…emotions, notions and experiences are often conflicting, nothing is black and white, so we scramble around like cockroaches caught in a flashlight beam, doing the best we can.

Reasonable people understand that there are no absolutes, no black and white, all is subjective and wrapped in shadow and that the dans macabre between light and dark is our lot in life.


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