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Keeping the Peace

October 15, 2012

My family was a tired tangle of broken marriages, step relatives moving from one hard worn house to another fueled by unseen circumstances, failed promises and lost ambitions.

Any house we lived in was full of elephants, so many that they bulged out the windows and more grazed out back.  The unspoken ruled our lives.  All the sins, disappointments, betrayals were kept to ourselves.  To bring them up was to incite conflict and every last one of us was tired of that.  So, for peace to be in place, it had to be protected by silence.

Just don’t bring it up.

This is a certain way to develop quiet loners such as my brother and myself.  My brother is the extreme living alone and apart from all families, having never married or tried for a family of his own.  We hardly hear out of him.  He never writes or calls.  He is gone and this is the way he likes it.

This all may explain why I find the current passion of telling everybody everything disturbing just as I disliked the old ‘let it all hang out.’  I don’t want to tell you anything and I don’t want to hear about your life.  I just want to be left alone.  In my drinking days I was described as ‘the guy at the end of the bar who never says anything.’  This is the way I like it.

Of course today communication is the big thing.  Say it and get it out there or it will eat you up like a cancer.  Crap.  Even if true I believe that letting it out causes anger, rage, hurt feelings, insult; more matters to brood on and rarely ever forgotten.  Forgiven or let go maybe, but never forgotten and best not brought up.  Just don’t mention it.  How can one forgive and get past a thing if you’re always bringing it out to beat it again.  Old angers are best ignored.  Let it go, get on with it.  Keep your peace.

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